


I Still Think Of You

by Zylo



Series: All of Me AU [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has a Different Name, Gen, I'm just putting those tags there just in case, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Songfic, angst of the guilt variety, implied past unsympathetic light sides, implied past unsympathetic remy, mainly andy and deceit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27988038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zylo/pseuds/Zylo
Summary: As quickly as Remus came back to leave a note, he was gone again.The others are not handling this new departure well.
Series: All of Me AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1430398
Kudos: 5





	I Still Think Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Song used in this fic is Walk in the Rain by Stands With Fists.

_I woke up, you were gone_  
_I guess I made you run away_  
_I know I was wrong_  
_I swear to god that I'm gonna change_

  
"Thomas!" Thomas was startled awake by the sound of Roman's panicked screaming in his ear; behind him was an equally panicked Virgil, Patton who appeared close to crying, and Logan trying his hardest to give off his usual calm demeanor.

  
"What?! What's going on?!" Thomas shouted, falling out of bed, a tangle of sheets following him.

  
"My brother's _gone!_ " Roman yelled, shoving his hands into his hair and desperately gripping it. "He's gone just like De- _Dax_ and Andy!"

  
"I- Uh- What?! Are you sure?!" Thomas asked in shock, glancing at each of them, hoping to see this was just some twisted joke Remus was playing on all of them.

  
"We caught him as he was leaving a note on the door to his room," Logan explained, voice strained despite his best efforts to hide it.

  
"And then _poof!_ He was gone!" Patton cried, clinging to Logan, the other side startled by this sudden display. Logan awkwardly freed one of his arms, rubbing Patton's back in what he hoped was a soothing manner.

  
"It wasn't... It was like a bolt of lightning! One minute he's there, the next he's holding up some trident or whatever and he's who knows where!" Virgil hurriedly said, his arms wrapped tight around himself.

  
_I don't go out at night_  
_Hanging out is all I do_  
_No one else seems right_  
_All I do is think of you_

  
While Thomas and the light sides were trying not to dissolve into acting like a cluster of panicked mice, Remy stood at the top of the staircase with Dayd, Teal, and Pryce huddled around as they eavesdropped. There was a shared look of concern among the latter three, one that grew stronger as Remy turned and disappeared into the mindscape without so much as a single comment.

  
Silently walking the seemingly endless halls of the Mind Palace Remy found that he couldn't focus on anything. Normally he'd be heading into town around this time of night but ever since that trip to LA, it steadily lost its fun. With a frustrated noise Remy headed towards his room, ignoring the questioning looks from some of the Task Brigade as he passed them. Slamming the door shut he took off his sunglasses and tossed them aside, unceremoniously flopping down on his bed.

  
Fighting with his thoughts, he was forced to face the fact that he was part of the reason things felt like they were crumbling. ' _If I hadn't been such as jackass towards Andy.._.' Clenching his eyes shut, Remy shook his head in a futile attempt to clear his mind. ' _...Wouldn't he have left anyway because of Dax? I mean- the sides-_ ' Taking a deep breath, Remy looked up at the ceiling, focusing on nothing and everything at once.

  
' _They see me as a friend; if I had paid attention I could have gotten them to back off - especially Virgil. ...And if I didn't treat Andy like shit he could have come to me on Dax's behalf..._ '

  
_I still think of you and the day you went away_  
_Every time it's gonna rain_  
_What more can I do? What more can I say?_  
_You're already gone away_

  
Virgil appeared in his room, bracing his back against the door as he did. Gripping his hair tightly, he felt his knees give out, ending up on the floor. "First Dax, now Remus," Virgil muttered, pulling at his hair as he dragged his hands down, wrapping his arms around himself. "I just can't stop screwing things up!"

  
With a dull thud and a groan of pain, Virgil accidentally hit the door with the back of his head. Staring into the darkness of his room in a daze, he thought back to when he first left the dark sides. His plan was simple enough; hang around the light sides and Thomas whether they wanted him to or not and force them to hear him out, hear his defense of Dax and the rest of his " _family_ " and why they shouldn't be pushed away. Dax of course had reservations about the whole idea while Remus was completely for it. Orange and Pink merely sat on the sidelines, trying to not-so-obviously pass money to each other, no doubt another one of their little bets.

  
Then things went topsy-turvy when Dax finally came looking for him after months of radio silence from the anxious side. "God, I'm such a jerk," Virgil admitted to himself, "and a massive hypocrite. I turned my back on both of my best friends and now look where we are..."

  
_Daylight's fading, I sit waiting_  
_Contemplating, all I know is_  
_I am empty when you're not with me_  
_I am simply lost without you_

  
Roman didn't know what to think; his brother was gone and it was his fault. They used to be as thick as thieves, despite the painful memories of who they once were constantly lingering in the back of their minds. If anything, said memories of King kept them from drifting apart; them against the world as Remus once said. But even that wasn't enough to stop the divide as the years passed - as each found new friends and new roles to play.

  
"I should have _tried_ to reconnect," Roman said, staring at the night sky covering his realm in the Imagination. "Instead I let it crumble to dust, all in the name of being a " _hero_ ". Some hero I turned out to be alright." Resting his head in his arms as he stood at one of several castle balconies, Roman heard footsteps approaching from behind.

  
"Are you alright, sir?" Roman recognized the voice as belonging to one of the castle staff.

  
Raising his head, he looked at the figment with one of his typical " _everything is wonderful for Prince Roman_ " expressions. "Of course! I'm just tired after a long day is all!" Roman lied through his teeth, "In fact, I was just heading to bed now!"

  
Seeming to accept this, the figment nodded his head and left Roman alone. Once the door closed, Roman felt his shoulders slump. "I need to find Remus somehow - even if he refuses to come home, I still need to make things right with him as they once were."

  
_I hope I can be strong_  
_I never wanted it this way_  
_I still play your song_  
_And think about you every day_

  
Thomas shoved his face into his pillow, letting out a muffled scream of frustration. ' _Of course! Of freaking course! You said you'd do better Sanders! That you'd find Andy and Dax and try to fix things! Not make things worse to the point that someone else leaves!_ '

  
Taking several shuddering breaths, Thomas forced himself to sit up. Grabbing his phone and ear buds, he went to Spotify in an attempt to calm down. Scrolling through his playlists, he stopped as an all-too familiar song title came up. "Forbidden Fruit," Thomas said to himself, thumb hesitating over the skip button.

  
"...This'll probably just make me feel worse _but_..." Thomas sighed as he pressed the play button. "Screw it, I want- I _need_ to hear his voice." Laying back down, he remained completely still as Remus' voice came on.

  
_And each day, you're still gone_  
_And only memories remain_  
_And I say I move on_  
_But every time, it starts to rain_

  
Patton sat on his bed, a pile of scrap books and stuffed animals surrounding him. Picking one out of the pile at random, he began to look through it. A wave of nostalgia flowed through him as memories came to life, memories of Christmas caroling with his family for their first YouTube special, of when everything seemed its brightest. Temporarily forgetting his troubles, Patton continued looking through the book happily, only to be hit with a painful reminder.

  
Near the end of the book were newer pictures; candid photos of Dax and Remus. Dax never wanted to stick around long enough, ' _not that I blame him, we haven't exactly been welcoming_ ,' Patton thought to himself sadly. As for Remus, honestly it purely because any time Patton had tried to take a picture with the duke knowing, said royalty wanted to mess with the camera and dropped it more often than not.

  
' _Just like_ -' Patton stopped himself, staring down for several minutes before closing the book and putting it aside. Looking through the rest, the cover of the one he wanted came into view. Hesitating for a moment, Patton held his breath as he opened the book. On the front page was a big photo of a dearly missed old friend.

  
"King."

  
_I still think of you and the day you went away_  
_Every time it's gonna rain_  
_What more can I do? What more can I say?_  
_You're already gone away_

  
Logan sighed as he turned to his bookshelf, reaching for the first Sherlock Holmes book he saw. "Perhaps this will keep my mind busy in a more productive way," he said aloud to himself. The logical side was trying his hardest to keep from thinking about the events that had transpired earlier. "The more you think about it, the more feelings start to take over," Logan reminded himself, opening the book.

  
After ten minutes of trying to concentrate on the task as hand, Logan slammed the book shut with a huff. "Why do my emotions insist on fighting with me tonight? I was never on good terms with Remus to begin with."

  
' _Doesn't mean you wanted him to just up and leave_ ,' his thoughts echoed back at him. ' _Just like you didn't want-_ '

  
"Enough!" Logan snapped at himself, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I know that! I know!" He then slumped down in his desk chair, the book completely forgotten for the moment.

  
"As... _illogical_ as the idea is, I want to track them down - find all three of them and convince them to come home."

  
_I still think of you and the day you went away_  
_Every time it's gonna rain_  
_What more can I do? What more can I say?_  
_You're already gone away_

  
"Hey O?" Orange looked over at Pink, the latter tossing a tennis ball into the air. They were lounging around the dark side commons, the place looking more worn down than usual for them.

  
"What?" Orange finally asked, casually watching the ball.

  
"You're not gonna leave...right?" Pink asked hesitantly, quickly speaking when Orange turned to look at him. "I- I mean...first Virgil, then Dax, and now Remus-"

  
Orange growled in anger, "Virgil is the whole reason they left in the first place. Like hell if I'm leaving you here by yourself with that- that _traitor_ around!"

  
Pink was silent at his friend's outburst, catching the ball and just staring at it. "You miss them too, huh?"

  
"...Of course I do," Orange said, feeling his anger turn to melancholy. "They were our family..."

  
Pink nodded sadly, starting to throw the tennis ball again, "Now all we got left is each other..."

  
_I still think of you and the day you went away_  
_Every time it's gonna rain_  
_What more can I do? What more can I say?_  
_You're already gone away_


End file.
